the pork-bolter
ISSUE 96, MAY 2010

This issue is also available in pdf format, meaning you can see what the actual printed copy looks like, including the cartoon, and maybe print out a few copies of your own to distribute... Just click here



A RECENT report from two university psychologists showed that being a political activist makes you happier (The Guardian, March 2).

And that was certainly the case for everybody involved in the battle to save Titnore Woods when the impossible happened and on March 15 Worthing Borough Council rejected the developers' planning application for 875 homes at West Durrington.

The fact that the war is clearly not over yet should not detract from our celebration of a truly magnificent victory.

The determination of everyone involved, from the protest camp diehards to the many supporters across the borough, literally forced the council to listen to them.

The councillors, particularly planning chairman and serial expenses claimer John Livermore, were clearly frightened to death by the anger of the hundreds of people packing the Assembly Hall, by their total refusal to 'play the game' by the rules, by this eruption of raw, seething people power...

For us this is a sign of things to come. The people of this town, this country, this world, have put up for too long with being treated like rubbish by the powers-that-be.

We are ripped off by bankers and businessmen, lied to by politicians, used as cannon fodder in wars to make the rich even richer, forced to watch while they destroy our living planet in their endless selfish greed.

And if we dare to complain about it, we are regarded as nothing more than criminals and risk being beaten up by police thugs with the licence to kill.

But their empire is beginning to crumble. Their financial scams are coming unstuck, their oil supplies are peaking, their fibs aren't fooling anyone any more.

And now new heroes are stepping forward - just normal run-of-the-mill people like all of us, but people who can tell right from wrong and are prepared to stand up and give it to them straight.

These heroes are not going to swallow the spin and the hype - they think for themselves and trust only what they have seen with their own eyess.

They give the authorities the respect they deserve - none at all!

And, in the months and years ahead, there are going to be more of them surging forward than ever before!

Guide to 2010 Worthing activist

(For illustration see printed copy or pdf)

BONNET. Bee resides in here.

CHEEK. Of the bare-faced variety.

X-RAY SPECS. To see through politicians' lies.

EAR. Kept firmly to the ground at all times.

MOUTH. Rarely shut. Occasionally foul.

COLLAR. Gets hot under here.

SHOULDER. Maintained in cold condition for dealing with bandwagon-jumping party hacks.

ELBOW. Plenty of grease.

RAINCOAT. Not a fair weather supporter.

THUMB. Handy for victory photocalls.

INDEX FINGER. Kept firmly on the pulse.

MIDDLE FINGER. To deliver appropriate message to powers-that-be.

LITTLE FINGER. More integrity here than in whole of Houses of Parliament.

POCKET. Hand always in here for good political cause.

VELVET GLOVE. May conceal tougher interior.

GUT. Source of most trusted feelings.

*****. Plenty of these, particularly if she's a woman.

KNEES. Unbendable in the face of authority.

BEST FOOT. Maintained in forward position.

BACK FOOT. Even when this is in operation, the activist never gives up.

Final solution for The Herald?

WHAT on earth has happened to the Worthing Herald of late?

It's never exactly been what you would call a progressive-minded paper, but its tone in recent weeks has been downright disturbing.

First of all there was the editorial comment on March 25 referring to the incident in which some robbers ('armed' with guns that couldn't fire) ended up fleeing from police into the Vale School in Findon Valley.

This minor incident, in which nobody was hurt, was tastelessly compared by the editorial writer to the infamous Dunblane massacre of 1996.

He (or she) added: "Without wishing to appear over-alarmist (ermm... hello?), the Herald says lessons must be learned from the ease with which the Vale school's security system was breached. And if extra resources and more vetting of people accessing the school at ALL times is necessary, then so be it - and all schools should follow suit."

This tirade sparked an excellent letter from Andrew Lawrenson of Ferring (April 8), condemning the Herald's "knee-jerk reaction". He wrote: "If these criminals had, in fact, been armed and intent on violence within the school premises, do you really believe that 'extra resources and more vetting' would have prevented them from doing so? What would you suggest these 'extra resources' should be? Armed guards, watch towers, receptionists trained in mortal combat? Or would you like to see every parent, delivery driver, or visitor CRB checked and body searched before they enter school premises? Do we really want to follow in the steps of the USA, where inner city schools in places like Washington DC have no windows, armed guards, re-inforced steel doors, automatic lock-down and isolation facilities...?"

But The Herald was not listening. In the very same edition (April 8) it ran an unbelievable editorial comment on "the regular invasion of Worthing Council land by travellers/gypsies".

The writer fumed: "Why is there such an unwarranted length of time in getting these trespassers removed without all the bureaucratic and legal expense involved. It seems that when it comes to claiming priority treatment on the question of 'human rights' (nice touch, the inverted commas - obviously there is no such thing as actual human rights in the Worthing Herald's mindset), the itinerants are always first in the queue."

The comment goes on to call for faster methods of removing travelling people (or should that be 'people'?).

> Most chilling of all, though, is the heading: "Speedier solution to gypsies needed". Solution to gypsies? What - as in the Final Solution favoured by Adolf Hitler?

It may be news to the Herald but Romany Gypsies and Irish Travellers are legally recognised as ethnic groups, and protected from discrimination by the Race Relations Act (1976, amended 2000) and the Human Rights Act (1998). Could the Herald's editor end up in the dock on race relations charges?

Lunar-powered water treat!

TOURISTS will be flocking to Worthing and boosting the local economy thanks to an amazing new landmark to be installed by Worthing Borough Council, reports our fabrication correspondent Freddie Fib.

The town will soon boast its very own lunar-powered water feature, to be sited on unused wasteland south of Marine Parade.

The giant outdoor 'pool' will be fitted with the very latest in wave machine technology, which harnesses the natural powers of the environment to create a stunning and ever-changing aquatic ambiance, explained Luke Pineapple-Bung of consultants Sheister and Ripov, who have been working in partnership with Worthing Borough Council on the project.

In an astonishing feat of eco-engineering, the state-of-the-art scheme will even use zero-carbon lunar power to create an unusual receding and returning cycle along the edge of the water - the firm has dubbed its cutting-edge process Ebb and Flow TM.

Mr Pineapple-Bung said the first-class new tourist draw, which is to be marketed as "The Sea", could even rival Worthing's other big attractions, such as our fine assemblage of Tesco stores, the upper floor of the Guildbourne Centre and the mini-roundabout outside Blockbusters.

Borough tax payers will only have to pay 4 billion to Sheister and Ripov, who say the project could be completed any time now - as soon as the council's cheque has cleared.

Bob Smytherman: an apology

IN THE past, we are ashamed to say, we have not given Worthing Lib Dem Bob Smytherman a very favourable showing in The Porkbolter. We have fallen out with him over Titnore Woods on several occasions (issues 56, 57 and 61) and cruelly greeted the announcement of his leadership of the local party with the comment: "Who'd have imagined that the words 'Bob Smytherman' and 'credible' would ever be uttered in the same breath?" (issue 62). Now however, he has upset both the local Tory mafia and the Worthing Herald (or maybe they're the same thing anyway) by displaying on his website a pastiche showing Boris Johnson and David Cameron with the message "New Age Tories - because Margaret Thatcher clearly wasn't enough of a c**t". Bob! What can we say? Welcome on board!


FOR A few wonderful days we caught a glimpse of what it could be like. The sky was clear and blue, there was no whine of jet engines far above - even the air somehow tasted fresher. And then it was back again - business as usual in more ways than one. Suddenly the white trails we all had all long taken for granted took on a more sinister appearance. We noticed how quickly they built up, how they criss-crossed in the sky, merged together and formed a permanent haze, a barrier between us and the heavens. We started to think the unthinkable. Does it really have to be so? Do we really need all of this? Where will it end? Are money and "economic growth" really more important than trees, than rivers, than pure water, unpolluted seas, fresh air - and clear skies?
* * *

TITNORE campaigners recently paid a visit to Heron International in Marylebone Street, London - one of the property developers behind the West Durrington scheme - and held a banner outside the greedy nature-hating corporation's HQ. Check for dates of demos at other developers' offices via this website.
* * *

WORTHING Alliance holds monthly meetings where townspeople swap info, views and plans for action on the issues that matter in Worthing. Anyone can turn up and contribute - or just sit in the corner nursing half a pint and nodding occasionally, if that's more your style. The next one is on Thursday May 20 at The Jolly Brewers in Clifton Road, Worthing (not far from the station).
* * *

WELL done to Sompting villagers for seeing off a planning application to build 14 homes at the old West Street Nursery. The unpopular scheme was thrown out by Adur District Council on March 29.
* * *

IF YOUR ideal music festival is one that is very uncommercial, involves loads of beer and isn't too far from Worthing, then you might want to get along to this year's Glastonwick, which takes place at Church Farm, Coombes, near Lancing, on June 4-6. More details here.
* * *

MANY thanks to our anonymous reader 'M' for the tenner towards funds. If anyone else feels so inclined, see below for details.

Bolting pork since 1997

THE PORKBOLTER is an independent newsletter, named after the ancient and deliciously obscure nickname for Worthing residents. We started off in 1997, just a few months after Tony Blair swept to power and told us things could only get better.* To get the next six issues through the post send a donation of 3 or more payable to The Porkbolter at PO Box 4144, Worthing BN14 7NZ. You can also pick up a copy at 'Green' at 63 Victoria Road, Worthing (near the station). We also run an email list, which you can join for free via

* Point of information - they didn't.

Published and printed by The Porkbolter, PO Box 4144, Worthing BN14 7NZ. No copyright, no post-election optimism here.

and finally ...
Reclaim Your Town, Reclaim Your Life!

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