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Issue 29 - July/August 2000


ONE of the most nauseating pieces of patronising drivel you are ever likely to see has just been proudly published by West Sussex County Council. The shameful item comes in the Summer 2000 edition of West Sussex Connections in which the council invites the people of West Sussex to "Try the Planning Challenge". This turns out to be an ever-so-amusing little game in which readers can play at raping the county’s countryside by plastering 28,000 new homes all over its green fields. The council has made much in recent months of how it has been battling to stop this extra housing imposed on us by central Government. But what it doesn’t admit it that its "fight" was no more than an empty charade. Run by the same corrupt political-business cartel that controls Westminster, there was no way that it was ever going to do anything other than go through the motions of a token protest for the benefit of the voters. And now it is trying to drag the rest of us into its collaboration with the bulldozing of our environmental heritage by the grasping property industry and its puppet politicians. This is all quite obvious in the disgraceful Connections article, where the readers are instructed to obey the "Rules of the Challenge" and are told what "the Government requires" West Sussex to do and what "we must plan for". Nowhere, just nowhere, is there even a hint of a suggestion that the people of West Sussex could defy the London Government’s edicts, refuse to see the fields and woodlands of our county covered in concrete, stand up and fight against all the rules and laws and central diktats. No, of course, that would never do. Orders must be obeyed at all times. From the Government, from the EU, from the World Trade Organisation. What ordinary people want never comes into it. Our role is just to knuckle under and do what we are told, put up with anything they throw at us. And what if the Government had instructed West Sussex Council to shoot one in three of all children born in the county? Would they go along with that, once their futile legal challenges had failed? Would they start ordering up supplies for the maternity wards? Would they invite the public to "Take Up the Child-Shooting Challenge" and submit names of infants that should be sacrificed to the Gods of Authority? And if that is an absurd question, where do you think they would draw the line? What would it take for these spineless stooges to stand up for what they thought was morally right, not what they were told was legal or pragmatic or expedient? "Tells us home truths" begs the headline in the Connections article. But that, of course, is the very last thing these hypocrites want to hear.

Tax-Payers Foot the Ball

E would like to place on public record our admiration for Worthing Borough Council’s decision to pay its Chief Executive Michael Ball a £100,000 lump sum on his early retirement and a £32,000 a year pension for life (Worthing Guardian, June 30). It is heart-warming to see a public body show such generosity to one of its staff. We are confident that similar amounts of money will in future be paid to all other employees in that situation, right down to the man who operates the chewing gum removing machine. Just to make sure, though, we are writing to the council asking them to confirm that this will indeed be the case. Incidentally, this will be an interesting test of whether the Town Hall intends to maintain Michael Ball’s decision, taken a couple of years ago, never again to reply to any letter from The Pork-Bolter (he didn’t like us criticising the Great Council Housing Privatisation Rip-Off). * On the other side of the page that revealed Mr Ball’s terms, The Worthing Guardian reported that the council was looking at saving £29,500 a year by making life harder for homeless people in B&B accommodation. Obviously, it would be utterly absurd to try and make any comparison between this and Mr Ball’s well-deserved £32,000 a year pension.


FASCINATED by the vital debate over the possible re-naming of the Guildbourne Centre, we wasted a few minutes thinking of some suggestions. The Michael Ball Centre was an early favourite, but it would probably cost too much in royalties. In the end we thought the name should honour a popular institution that used to stand on the site, on the north side of Ann Street - Nobby Hall’s model train shop. So The Nobby Centre it is. Or, if we want to go all continental to honour our twin town in France, Le Centre Nob.
* * *

IT was the animal rights protests that made Shamrock Farm give up torturing monkeys, the owners have now admitted (West Sussex County Times, June 9). So direct action does work. There’s a home truth for the county council to stuff up their bulldozers.
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WE Porkies get very excited at receiving mail from far-off places like East Preston or Lancing, so when we got a package from India we were well impressed, even before we read the rather brilliant Ballad Against Work. Free/donation from Majdoor Library, Autopin Jhiggi, NIT, Faridabad 121001, India (e-mail: Also recommended: June-August issue of Peace News (£2.50 from 5 Caledonian Road. London N1 9DY), the Summer 2000 edition of Direct Action (£1 from DA-SF, PO Box 29, SW PDO, Manchester M15 5HW) and the excellent Amsterdam-based English language greenpepper, featuring info on the anti-IMF/World Bank demos planned for Prague from September 25-28. We ourselves have a few copies available for £2.
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FOLLOWING an August break, the next meeting of will be on Tuesday September 5 at 42 Marine Parade, Worthing (above Paiges bar) from 7.45pm. And you are all invited!
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FINALLY, our sympathy goes to comedian Mark Thomas, rapped by the Broadcasting Standards Authority for a mild criticism of the Foreign Secretary on his TV show, which concluded: "Robin Cook should be here, the f****** evil little corporate knob-polishing, hypocritical lying scum-f****** f***." Mark later told The Guardian: "I’d be happy to withdrawn ‘f****** f***’."

No excuse for pig ignorance - subscribe!

THE PORK-BOLTER is an independent community newsletter for Worthing with a funny sort of name and a rather aggressive attitude. If you want to make sure of getting a copy of issue 30, simply send us a stamped self-addressed envelope. To get the next six issues send a donation of at least £2 to cover costs. Copies of back issues are still available. Cheques/postal orders made payable to The Pork-Bolter. email subscriptions also available. Drop us a line: or PO Box 4144, Worthing, West Sussex, BN14 7NZ. website:

Printed and published by The Pork-Bolter, PO Box 4144, Worthing BN14 7NZ. No copyright - ie, we give you the right to copy us, you lucky people.

the pork-bolter

Facing A Tide of Ridicule

MAKE no mistake, Worthing is facing a political crisis. Traditionally respected bodies such as our far-sighted and dynamic Borough Council, the popular and charitable Freemasons, or our brave and incorruptible Boys in Blue, are facing a tide of criticism and ridicule that has even contaminated once-reliable standard-bearers of decency such as the Worthing Herald. More voters are shunning the elections than ever before, and seditious talk of "people power" is rearing its ugly head across the borough. Dangerous and wild-eyed cyclists are forcing sensible motorists off the roads. Irresponsible youngsters would rather ride their lethal "skateboards" than become involved in the Rotarian movement. Dark times indeed for Worthing, which is why we have taken the unprecedented step of sounding the rallying cry for the Righteous Forces of Sound Fiscal Management. Drawn from across a huge range of the political spectrum reaching from the business-friendly Conservatives via the business-friendly Lib Dems to business-friendly New Labour, our dream for Worthing is of a prosperous and thriving community and we really mean business.

Divisive Words

AMONGST the propaganda churned out by the subversive rent-a-mob several words keep cropping up that need to be understood in their proper context. Democracy: This is often mis-used to suggest that important decisions about the direction of our society can be safely entrusted to members of the public with no specialist knowledge!! This is clearly absurd. Real decisions must be made within the business community and the public merely offered "consultation" which can safely be ignored. Environment: If we are to believe certain types, the so-called "Earth" is more important than essential economic growth. Any accountant will tell you this is tripe. There is nothing sacred about any particular territory in today’s market and if life is extinguished on this planet the business sector is flexible enough to re-locate elsewhere with no valuable time wasted on emotion or nostalgia.

Write to an MP

FAT CAT activists took to the streets on Saturday July 1 to celebrate the fourth anniversary of the day our town centre’s splendid Closed Circuit TV system first sparked into action. There will always be those who try to knock this exciting step forward into a safer future - just as there are moaners and whingers who try to put down every great new scientific invention from asbestos to the nuclear bomb! But what does it matter if statistics show that crime has gone up rather than down since CCTV was brought in and critics are claiming that the system is a waste of money? Spy cameras are essential in creating a decent society where there’s no room for irresponsible and selfish "individuals" who can’t learn to stay in line, know their place and obediently get on with whatever they are told to get on with. But has it all gone far enough? We don’t think so! That’s why we want YOU to write to your MP and demand: * MORE CCTV cameras! Eventually there should be 24-surveillance in every street in Worthing, in every home, in every room and every corner of every room (and yes, that includes the loo!). Only then will we all be safe from axe-wielding murderers and subversives. * BETTER all-round surveillance. We demand that all our phone calls, post, e-mail messages and even conversations should be monitored by the great British secret police, just in case we say something naughty. As law-abiding citizens, we do not need any privacy. If you’ve nothing to hide, you’ve nothing to fear! * HUGE posters on prominent walls across Worthing, declaring "Big Brother is Watching You", to reassure us that we are safe and happy in a modern, free and democratic society.

"You owe us!"

YOU will notice that there is no price mentioned at the top of this page and you may have imagined we are prepared to hand out this newsletter for free, like the weirdo trouble-makers we are out to oppose. Well, think again! Making pots of money out of the trusting public is a central part of our philosophy and we have instructed our lawyers to slap a writ on anyone found with a copy of The Fat Cat and take them to court for not having paid us the £99.99 that we can now reveal is the cover price of our publication!! Always read the small print before accepting "gifts" from clever entrepreneurs like us! It’s this sort of smart wealth-creation that made Britain what it is today and made us considerably wealthier than you, you silly gullible little people! Meanwhile, you will notice that page two has been completely given over to a paid advertisement. Adverts are obviously very close to our hearts here at The Fat Cat and although that nice Mr Francis Bacon from the Worthing Pork Federation did forget to sign his cheque and has been rather late in producing his advert, we have arranged for his message to be inserted on the other side of this sheet at the last minute during the printing process. He assures us his organisation will be giving our noble cause of Privilege and Prosperity all the backing it deserves, so enjoy your read!

Felix Filofax says:


Fair attitudes that must be stopped

IT has come to our attention that an event is being staged in Worthing on Saturday September 2 that challenges all the values we hold dear. Make no mistake, the Worthing Green Fair at Beach House Gardens, near the Aquarena, will be stuffed full of people opposing the fundamental civilised insight that life is all about money and trampling over everyone else to get more of it. If you are as shocked as we are, please join us in protesting against these degenerates. A fleet of smelly diesel-powered buses will be departing from Worthing Pier to take our anti-Green contingent the quarter of a mile to the Site of Shame the long way round and tickets for the trip are only £249.99 a head (single). We hope to run over a number of fluffy animals and small children en route.
and finally ... THANKS to our sponsors: South East Greed Council; sussexploit 2000; Worthing Chamber of Wealth; Winston Smith Surveillance Ltd; Crook, Mason & Beak; Globalcancer plc; The Institute of Bastards.