the pork-bolter
ISSUE 89, YULE 2008/2009

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Cop-out clowns!

CRIME and policing is a pretty big issue for most of the people who voted in Worthing MPs Tim Loughton and Peter Bottomley. So you would have thought that the Tory duo would have their eye on the ball on this particular issue and at least give the impression of caring about the service that their constituents receive. Particularly if the local police force was thrown into disrepute by two major but separate events, you would expect them to express some sort of concern on behalf of the people they supposedly represent.

But it has become painfully obvious over the last few weeks that the pair of them simply don't care less - and have instead turned their minds to what they clearly consider much more important and relevant issues for the population of this town (we'll come to that in a minute!). "Worthing police have received growing numbers of complaints year-on-year for the past three years," reported the Worthing Herald on October 9. "Since 2005, the number of complaints received about Worthing police officers, including instances of oppressive behaviour and failures in duty, has continually increased with a massive 145 per cent increase between 2006 and 2008."

Cause for concern? Not for Peter Bottomley MP, who was "not prepared to comment on the growing figures". However, what he did have to say was: "if people want to criticise, complain or praise then they should. What I want to do is to reiterate that police officers in general, often at great risk to themselves, have to deal with the ugly, awful and frightening side of life without hesitation." So what has that got to do with the evidence of police acting in an oppressive manner and failing in their duty? What a cop-out!

There was a similar response to the scandal involving Chief Inspector Sharon Rowe, Worthing district commander (see below) arrested along with Detective Chief Inspector Jim Torbet, who has since hanged himself. Initially a joint statement came from Bottomley and Loughton, in which they announced "it is wrong for MPs to comment on the detail", before declaring: "During her time in charge in Worthing, she and her colleagues have worked to reduce crime, numbers in most categories have dropped, they have done much to catch suspects and have co-operated in bringing appropriate cases before the courts." Well, that's certainly a police officer's job description, but hardly the point here!

Bottomley took the same pathetic line on the CPS decision, even coming up with the absurd and obviously untrue observation: "Most people would accept this is an appropriate course of action. I believe if this person had been a publican or an insurance broker or somebody who is uenmployed they would have taken the same decision in the circumstances." So what's he saying here - that nobody has or ever will be prosecuted for stealing wine? Way-hey! Help yourselves folks, it's free-for-all time!

If our MPs are too busy to spare a thought for the collapsing integrity of our police force (or the planned destruction of Titnore Woods, another issue they refuse to address), what is it that is occupying their minds? "Two MPs have launched a parliamentary bid to return TV's top dodgy dancer John Sergeant to the nation's screens", reported the West Sussex Gazette (November 19). "Following Sergeant's resignation from BBC show Strictly Come Dancing, Tim Loughton and Peter Bottomley have tabled a joint Early Day Motion calling for the House to announce its devastation at his departure and demand his reinstatement to the dancefloor".

* Bottomley gets around 168,000 a year for being a crap MP (wages and expenses), while useless Loughton grabs 200,000 of our cash.

Sharongate: a scandal that exposes the truth

IT REALLY is a case of 'one law for them and another for us' in police state Britain. That's the only conclusion it's possible to draw from the scandalous decision not to prosecute Worthing's top police officer Sharon Rowe over allegations she stole wine from M&S. Even the Worthing Herald, hardly a regular critic of the establishment, called for the Sharongate decision to be 'challenged and reversed' pointing out sagely (Nov 27): "If Chief Insp Rowe is innocent, then surely it would be in everyone's interest to shout it from the rooftops... If the evidence is tested and she's guilty it's equally important that justice should be seen to be done." And it wasn't that there was no case to answer. As the Herald's website reported: "Crown solicitors have admitted they had enough evidence".

Sussex Police itself admitted that Rowe was let off the hook simply because the Crown Prosecution Service decided "it will not be in the public interest to prosecute a chief inspector for theft" (Worthing Herald, Nov 27). For public interest read state interest. You can bet your life they'd consider it in the 'public' interest to prosecute a single mum with hungry kids for shoplifting a tin of beans, or a pensioner without enough cash to pay the heating bills, or one of the increasing numbers of unemployed or any of the rest of us for that matter! But a chief inspector is different, apparently, because she is one of them and to admit that police can be criminals would undermine the big lie of moral superiority that we have to be forced to swallow so we put up with this stinking, corrupt, power-mad state of theirs without ever daring to raise a voice in protest. But now the truth is out there.

Bottomlout twins and the surgical solution

WORTHING'S MPs seem to have developed a peculiar habit of issuing joint statements on any number of issues. They seem to share so many precise opinions that The Porkbolter's scientific advisers are suggesting they may be going through a process called "Identity Merger Syndrome", in which two individuals begin to believe they are in fact one and the same person.

Our experts say the next stage of this frightening and litte-known illness may be that they decide to adopt one name by which to be known to the outside world. Speculation is rife as to whether this will be Peter Loughton, Tim Bottomley or some creative amalgam of their names, such as Pim Loutbottom or Teeter Bottomlout. The next step after that may be surgery, with a reversal of the process used to separate conjoined twins resulting in the new joint entity being physically joined at the hip, waist or via whatever organ seems to be most handy. The mind boggles and we're feeling quite sick so we'll leave it at that for now...

Lions sabotage British Empire

WORTHING Lions have launched a dastardly plot to undermine the Holy British Empire by forcing our Our Heroic Troops to eat rubbish. The fundraising business types pretend to be True and Loyal Patriots and enthusiastic supporters of the Glorious War to Protect Ongoing British and American Commercial Interests in Uncivilized Foreign Parts, even flying a big union jack in the window of their command bunker at 115 George V Avenue. But secretly they are working to ensure Her Majesty's Finest fail in their noble mission to Save Afghanistan from the Afghans by sending them fitness-sapping supplies!

Yes, that's right! Unbelievable though it may seem, we stumbled across a top secret article in the Worthing Herald on October 9 in which it was revealed that the Lions are planning to send the Khaki-Wearing Defenders of Global Freedom, Justice, Democracy and Gas Pipelines a selection of highly unhealthy substances with zero nutritional value such as Pot Noodles, Jelly Squirms and pork scratchings (see below for a more edible version).

Before we know it, Our Marvellous Boys will be good for nothing physical wrecks, allowing the Evil Foreign Hordes to swarm across Asia and Europe and sail over the Channel on inflatable camels, landing at Splash Point and forcing Worthing to become Muslim at gunpoint, with all our flower beds turned over to poppy growing and boys legally obliged to grow beards at the age of EIGHT!

It also appears that the Lions have enlisted the support of Asda in Brighton. Who'd have thought that WalMart (for it is they!) would do anything to undermine the Glorious March of Armed Global Capitalism? But then these are strange times we are living in.

Woodland to wasteland?

WITH the Titnore Woods developers on the brink of financial collapse, how about this for a vision of what might lie ahead at West Durrington, if the council gives the go-ahead for the disastrous scheme against all common sense and justice. Arbury Park is a "contemporary, attractive and vibrant" 900-home development given the green light near Cambridge, but abandoned half way through because of the meltdown in the housing market. Reported The Guardian (November 13): "It is a scene that would not look out of place in Soviet-era Belarus. Rank with weeds, parkland is dotted with burst pallets of bricks, drink cans and a builder's broken barrow. A burnt-out car was recently towed away. Streetlights are missing or faulty on some roads. The new community centre is fenced off, its glass doors shattered by stones." West Durrington in 2010?

No date has yet been given for a planning decision on the Titnore scheme, giving objectors more time to check the smallprint of the vast planning document and reveal a few porky pies, like the suggestion that West Durrington is an 'easy' walk away from Worthing town centre! If you haven't done so yet, send in your objections to WB/04/00040/OUT to Worthing Borough Council, Portland House, Richmond Road, Worthing or email

A Titnore fundraiser (for expert advice on the application) is being held at 8pm on Sunday January 11 at Patching Village Hall, featuring Greg Harper and his folk band. See Protect Our Woodland! Camp Titnore is still going strong, of course, and still in need of support from the Worthing public. Food parcels and building stuff should be taken to the site across the fields from Tesco in New Road, Durrington or to a special stall in Montague Place, Worthing, on Saturday December 20, from 11am. The rallying cry continues: Save Titnore Woods!


FREEDOM March is the title of a month-long programme of events being held in Worthing in, errr, March. The full programme has still to be unveiled (see next issue), but we are told it will definitely include a protest against all the insidious creep of a police state - from ID cards to CCTV and town wardens - meeting at 2pm on Saturday March 14 outside Worthing Town Hall in Chapel Road. Anyone who wants to join in by organising their own event on the freedom theme (anything from a Freedom to Knit evening to a talk or protest) to be included in the official programme should contact
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WITH no real opposition to the local establishment in the council chamber, a lot of the action hinges around Worthing Alliance meetings held every month upstairs at The Rest in Bath Place, Worthing, where various campaigners report on what they are doing and why. Next dates are the festive social, with mulled wine, on Wednesday December 17 and the first meeting of 2009 on Thursday January 29. All are welcome.
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WE ARE delighted to report that former Tory councillor Mark McCarthy has been cleared of sexually assaulting a baby boy, despite admitting that his mouth made contact with an 'intimate' part of the infant's body. We are even more delighted that he himself confirmed in court his reputation as an alcoholic and a 'homophobe' and was found guilty of making a threatening phone call to pervert the course of justice. We trust that now his credentials have been re-established, he will welcomed back to the fold by Worthing Conservatives.
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A LETTER from a reader who now lives in Lancashire on the mystery of the Durrington tunnels: "I lived in Worthing at George V Ave from 1959 to 1978. Behind our house before they turned it to a children's play area were two large mounds and the entrance to the West Park tunnel network. As a child I explored these until they were boarded up. I never got that far because it was pretty scary down there. Dark damp and strange noises - rats and the like. With my torch and pals we loved going down and playing in the first network. The tunnels connected with others as you mentioned. The mounds were great for games and bikes and then the enlightened Worthing Council levelled them - like they appear to have done with the rest of the town!" Anyone else out there have some info on the tunnels to share? Get in touch!
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CONGRATULATIONS! To West Sussex's Georgina Downs for her court victory over the government on the use of pesticides, to Skeleton Cru ( for redorating the Blockbuster subway and to Worthing Society for keeping the Frink heads in Worthing.

Pig out on the horrible truth!

THE PORKBOLTER is an independent newsletter that has never received a Christmas food parcel from Worthing Lions, possibly because we don't murder foreign kids for money. To get the next six issues through the post send a donation of 3 or more payable to The Porkbolter at PO Box 4144, Worthing BN14 7NZ. The latest issue is available from Green in its new shop at 63 Victoria Road, near Worthing station. We also run an email list, which you can join via

Published and printed by The Porkbolter, PO Box 4144, Worthing BN14 7NZ. No copyright, no justice in a corrupt imperial police state.

and finally ...
Reclaim Your Town, Reclaim Your Life!

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